Thoughts on #MeToo

I’ve given this revisited #MeToo movement some good long thought. When I first saw people posting, I felt my gut clench. Then, I softened and realized that I was clenching against something that didn’t feel right to me. I didn’t know why, but I just knew I couldn’t post a “me too” on my Twitter or Facebook account.

A few days later, a friend posted a tweet from @apbeneven: “Reminder that if a woman didn’t post #MeToo, it doesn’t mean she wasn’t sexually assaulted or harassed. Survivors don’t owe you their story.”

There it was. The “not right” feeling was one of commoditization. For many of my FB friends, it was very empowering to speak up and let their friends know – some for the first time – that they had experienced sexual harassment and/or sexual assault. The problem is, if you’re not ready to tell your entire FB list or the Twitter universe, disclosure can be very, very disempowering. It is never ok to pressure anyone into disclosing information they are not ready to share. Unfortunately, social media can do just that. For some, the #MeToo movement puts a feeling of tremendous pressure on them to disclose. This produces a feeling of disempowerment. People who don’t #MeToo are not cowards. In fact, they are the most honest about their feelings of any of us. They may be legitimately overwhelmed and not fully in their bodies enough to reap the full healing benefit of disclosure, especially to a mass audience. When you’re not present to feel, it’s not authentic healing. It’s pseudohealing.

Many people first disclose one on one. In that environment, it’s safe enough to feel the impact of telling the truth – fully. THAT is what is important. Feeling the telling of the truth. This releases some of the trauma of having to stay quiet; of not having been in a safe environment for truth telling – and now knowing that you are. It restores trust in your own intuition. You are right not to tell, until it feels right to tell.

When I was abducted and sexually assaulted, it was a news story. I didn’t have a choice about who knew. Even though my name was not used, people knew. I had no power – no say in who knew and who didn’t. I numbed out even more. It was not healing. The next time I told my story was to my future husband. I felt he needed to know and it was healing just to know I was telling a hard truth about myself to someone I trusted. As I healed, the number of people who knew because I chose to tell them, increased. Now, each time someone says something to me about my story, I go through more healing. I feel more of the trauma come to the surface. I feel it and release it. That’s how healing works.

The #MeToo movement can be empowering for everyone. Staying silent is just as powerful as speaking up. If it feels right, do it. If it doesn’t, don’t. Either way, you are your own authority!


The line between intuition and not intuition is clearer to me now.

I realize I do trust my intuition, but I fear the response it’s asking for. I realize now that my alarms went off when I identified signs of false intuition that I don’t wish to be associated with.

False intuition occurs: when we become infatuated or inflated by our abilities; when we use it to escape or avoid unresolved issues (sometimes referred to as a spiritual bypass); when we give it more awe than “normal” awareness; when we fail to approach intuitive information with the same discernment practices we would use with logic – neither are immune from ego. Ego suppresses our natural intuition.

The more subconscious holding patterns we bring to our awareness and resolve, the more accurate and unbundled by ego our intuition becomes. It also makes us more sensitive to false or pseudo intuitive circumstances and the people who exercise it. This is what I realized was happening. It brings up anger, avoidance and passive-aggressive tendancies. I am in the process of summoning the courage to confront what is false. To say “no” to it and set boundaries.

I trust what I feel, yet I also feel very vulnerable when using my intuition. There is an “honest” feeling I get with intuitive information. The thoughts and words are unforced and feel softer in my head and coming out of my throat and mouth. They are followed by a tingling in me when it happens. Those are the ones I use to help others and, for the most part, I allow them to flow out of me unsensored. If the thoughts feel hard, I don’t use them, but sometimes judgment erupts in me and my energy is diverted to keeping my mouth shut. I am realizing as I write this, that sometimes, in order to set boundaries, those hard words need to come out, with force. It’s not comfortable for me, but I understand the benefit to others of saying “no”. I can see how intuitive actions could have more forceful energy. There is a diverseness and flexibility in it I was not seeing before.

I was told one thing repeatedly by Peggy Fuhs in Malvern: “you need to take really good care of yourself.” She repeated it as if I was going to nod in agreement and then immediately not follow her advice. As if my next step would be to think about what I needed to do for someone else; what I needed to do to “be nice” and leave my more delicate intuitive body in a back alley somewhere. My intuitive body that, if I had not silenced it, would have been much more helpful to someone.

When I’m away from home, I feel my way through the days instead of thinking my way through. At home, it is tougher to feel that easiness when bombarded with so much lopsided intellect-driven energy. I have to really commit to staying soft and easy with my self and also being self aware enough to set the boundaries I need.

The commitment feels right though.